You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
