So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
