I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
