I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
