I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
