having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
