Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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