here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
