this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i drank out of a bidet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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