So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
