My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
