if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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