On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
