we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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