the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
