note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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