bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
