these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
