Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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