I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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