I swear she didn't look like that last week.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
