dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize