Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
