my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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