And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
