soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
