he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
