I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
