Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
