happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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