don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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