this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
