Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How external is "for external use only"?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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