You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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