I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
