Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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