the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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