All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh god it's open bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
