i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
