I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
