So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were trust falling into bushes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
