Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
