so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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