If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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