look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
