somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
