My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize