I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
