Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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