The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
