instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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