At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
