Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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