I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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