need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
