I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
