Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sext me about skeletons
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
