Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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