so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
