What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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