so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
