just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
