Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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