Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
