I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
