I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
