What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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